You know what I hate about Christianity? How segregated and complicated it is. And in our Christian community, it’s just accepted that this is the way it is. I hate that there is a million and one different religions out there, but we claim to be the one true religion, no flaws whatsoever in our beliefs. And anyone who disagrees is going to hell. I hate that there are some very wonderful people out there, people who have given so much of their lives for others, but who are “destined to hell” because they aren’t Christians. I hate that some of these people are “destined to hell” because not only do they not know Jesus, but they never got the chance. And I hate that there are “Christians” who believe they are going to heaven when they give nothing of themselves whatsoever, and hold onto their belongings like they are true treasures.
I hate judgment over others.
I hate what Christians have done to Christianity. I hate the condemnation. I hate that the bible has been translated and interpreted in so many ways that it is impossible to know what came from man and what came from God. I hate how much our bible contradicts itself: a loving God who floods the world, destroys cities, and strikes down unsuspecting “wrongdoers”; rules and rules that say this and that, then are completely diregarded; thou shalt not kill, but wars upon wars are deemed necessary by God, and glorified by David in God’s name. I hate that unless I am absolutely holy and keep myself pure, I am unworthy. I hate thinking that everything I do, or want to do, is wrong. I hate that I “know better”. I hate that when I am completely free, I am not.
I hate that it is impossible to be free of sin.
There are times when I am so angry at God, at how his judgement will never find me, or the rest of the world, holy. I hate how big he is, and how invisible I feel at times. I hate the whole old testament, and what man has made of it. I hate how confusing the whole thing is.
But you know what I love? I love Jesus. I can’t end this rant without saying so. I love the acceptance and the light he exploded into this world. If we take away the whole old testament, and meditate on Jesus, it’s all so simple and all so loving. There are times when I just don’t want to even say I’m religious, to put a name on it, because I hate what it’s become so much. I just want to follow Jesus, to give more and more to others, and to just be exactly who I am, perfect with my “flaws” and all. I love how simple Jesus wants it to be, “Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven…” Matthew 18:3 I believe that Jesus wants us to just trust Him, stop overanalyzing and looking for all the answers. Stop bringing it upon ourselves to save the world, but allow Him to do it. I’m not saying we shouldn’t celebrate our faith and want to share it, but we need to stop condemning everyone to hell, and forcing our beliefs on others. Forget the rules. Just be good and love others the best we can. That simple.
Don’t read into this entry, I’m just spewing.
Child in Faith 
Okay, so I won’t read anything into what you’ve said, but I did want to point out one factual issue:The essence of Exodus 20:13 is a prohibition against <>murder<>, not against killing in general. The NIV, the NASB, The Message, the Amplified Bible, the NLT, the ESV, and the CEV translations all use the word “murder.” The KJV says, “thou shalt not kill” — but then God makes it clear in the Levitical laws that there are many situations in which <>even Israelites<> are to be put to death, at the hands of men, to do God’s will (under the old covenant). Not to mention, God’s direction for the Israelite nation to destroy, as God’s righteous judgment, other nations who have rejected Him.Of course this does not answer your larger questions, but I hope this brings some clarity to that one issue.Also, I would offer — it’s hard to deal with problems that are created or perpetuated by an anonymous “they.” It’s debilating because there is frustration yet there’s no action to take. To borrow the “think global, act local” idea from the environmentalists, I’ll look around at the world at large but then decide what things I’m actually going to do, and that choice means I also decide to not invest energy into worrying about the things I’ve decided not to do. The problems of this world are much bigger than my capabilities, and my role is to serve faithfully in the ways God directs and to trust Him for the things that fall outside my path.
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wow….wow. I too wan’t read anything into this, but that is a lot. Let me restrain myself to just one question. Brian touched on it a little bit in his response, butwhich Christians are you talking about? I know a lot of Christians and I feel safe to say that I dont know anybody like that. SUre there is the occasional Christian who loks like a couple of these traits, but who is it that gets you so mad? A similar question arose for me in our discussion on homosexuality, who are these people who go up to gays and share no love with them but just tell them that they are hell bound? I have read articles in the newspaper about them, but i have never met one. My frustration really stems from this growing movement that says it’s okay to be a Christian and hate the church, not associate with other Christians, and the like. It’s weird to see my friends so frustrated with the group of people that I love more than any in this world. I am not saying that the church is perfect…Lord knows I would not be in ministry if I didn’t see problems. But my question is why have we bought into the lie that we are ruining the world? It is my belief and experience that Christians are the best people in the world. Studies show that we are the happiest. So stop ripping on the group that is headed in the right direction. So much for restraint
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Ok, guys, I gotta be honest here. This was a particularly bad day when I was feeling temptation and didn’t want to be held accountable. So I used that frustration to attack the very thing that was holding me accountable. I even considered totally deleting this post, but decided that since I took the time to write it, I should leave it up. Allow me to recant some of this post. My largest real frustration is just that there are so many rules I must live by now that I am aware what God wants from me, and that can be a lot of pressure. That’s all.
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Let me just say one thing…thank you Crissi for sharing. It is ok to be frustrated and to question, I know for sure I do it and you know what…my faith always grows in the process. I’m thankful for you!
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one more thing…I get frustrated with the whole “christianity” thing too. Sometimes I don’t even want to be asscociated with the term. The fact is that people misrepresent God’s love and character all of the time including me. Gina suggested this to me once and I agree…I’m not a christian I am a follower of God/Christ!
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