You ever have everything you ever prayed for, and were suddenly freaked out that it was all going to fall? It’s called placing all your treasures here on earth. And I am guilty as charged. I’m having a hard time trusting that God is taking care of everything, and I feel like I am about to fall into a giant hole. I feel scared for what I might lose due to my own shortcomings, and shame for those shortcomings. I feel the need to find something to hold onto for dear life, because everything is happening so fast: my job, my future, life. I’m afraid that if my mighty control snaps, everything will spin out of control. As if I am God. As if the world spins because I will it.
I should be elated. Everything is happening according to plan. But it’s all happening so fast, too fast, and my doubts are overpowering my confidence. God is there. I know it. But I am having a hard time holding onto Him. Or rather, letting Him hold onto me….