So anyway, Crissi has decided to take a break from writing about faith today. It seems she’s in a rather sarcastic and bratty mood today, so she asked me, her alter ego, “not so super” mom, to fill in for her today. I’ll try not be as sarcastic and bratty, but it seems her funky mood is kind of hard to avoid….
I was taking my son out for a drive the other day….
Ok, seriously. Kids can be the death of you. And they can be the life of you. And when you become a mom, they become the world.
I remember as a kid, many cool things that thrilled me. Disneyland. The county fair. Three day weekends. Playing hooky, piling into my van, and taking a beach day (I mean…that wasn’t me). Getting presents. Getting dessert. Birthdays. Christmas morning. Making it to the top of the mountain behind my house. Winning the race at the roller skating rink. My creative writing teacher telling me I needed to be published. Being the only one of my three sisters going for a drive with my dad. Jumping off the swing, flying into the air. Building sandcastles at the beach. The first day of school, wearing all new clothes. First crushes, which sometimes was the only reason to go to school. First kisses. Holding hands. Secret admirers and locker notes. Slumber parties.
You know what thrills me now? Know what I brag about to anyone who will hear me? “Mom, MAY I PLEASE have a glass of water?” That’s right. My son is learning manners, and remembering to use them. It has taken months of training, and it is finally being implemented. I am so proud that he is starting to now use these manners without reminders, that I want to throw a party. Yes, that’s right. A PARTY.
Welcome to the life of a mom.
You wiped yourself at school today and there’s no poop in your underwear? Congratulations!!!!
You remembered to dump your sand-filled shoes outside? I’m so proud of you!!!!
You didn’t hit the boy (this time) who called you a big fat stupid head? Good job!!!!
You sat still on your time-out and said you were sorry, and sounded like you meant it? I couldn’t be happier!!!!
You ate all your lunch today, even the orange slices? Awesome!!!!
I only had to spank you once today! Today was a really good day!!!!
You said please, thank you, you cleared your place at the table, and you picked up all the crumbs on the floor. Let’s throw a good manners party!!!!
Yes. This is the life of a mom. You kidless readers are shaking your head, and are calling your doctor for a refill on your birth control, aren’t you? Suddenly abstinence never sounded sweeter, did it? But you moms are nodding at every word.
My son’s principal called the other day. There are two calls you never want to receive as a mom. One is from the police. The other is from the principal, herself. The principal never calls with good news. They leave that for the teachers. The principal only calls for one reason, and one reason only. Your child is the devil. And it has come to the attention of the principal.
Ok. This wasn’t the only reason that the principal called. The other reason was because my child is being moved into another kindergarten class. The school was overbooked with kindergarteners, so we parents were warned that after a couple weeks of bonding time with their wonderful teacher, they might be ripped away from her and go through the whole stranger process all over again. My son won the lottery and became one of these students. The principal observed all the current kindergarten classes and decided which students would be best to move. My son was chosen because apparently he has been copying the antics of one of the kids in his class who is a known troublemaker. The good news is that my son is not the worst kid in the class. He’s the second worst.
Woohoo! Let’s throw a party!
The principal thought it would be best to seperate these two by moving my kid into the new class. At first I wanted to protest. I love his current teacher! She’s exactly the kind of teacher I was hoping for when I was warning the school in his paperwork that he tends to goof off, and his head spins a little. She’s kind, but firm. She commands the attention of the class in a nice kindergarteny kind of way. She sings what they want them to do. “Let’s go sit on the carpet.” “Put your backpacks away and your lunch in your cubbies.” “Let’s wash our hands after picking our nose, because that’s a nasty habit and don’t let me see it again.” And she seems to specialize in problem children. Hence, the reason that “worst boy” was placed in her class. And when it was explained to me, it was clear that the lesser of two evils was to seperate him from his teacher as well as from “worst boy”. So on Monday, my son will be experiencing his first day of kindergarten all over again. And thankfully, he is very excited about it. I was afraid that he would be upset about leaving his current teacher. But appears it’s only good old “not so super” mom.
And even though he might find a new kid to latch onto and mimic, I have hope. Because he asked me for a glass of water, and used PLEASE MAY I. He might just be a college graduate after all, some day! Or at least stay out of jail.