Faith and the Blogger

I am angry over these three posts and their comments: #1, #2, and especially #3. Since receiving so much flack over all I have written, for having long, long comments thrown at me with scripture all over it, as if my blog is a chance to write out a whole sermon, to treat me like I am a sinner for mulling over my faith, I am angry. I am angry because all of these comments show that my blog was not read in its entirety, that what I wrote was mistaken in its interpretation because the reader read snippets and took it for what they THOUGHT it said. I have said nothing sinful in the words, I do not compromise anyone’s Christian faith through this entry. I am speaking of sharing Christianity through love, something that I have always written about and have always been passionate about. And for my main point to be totally ignored and for comments to be made about negative points I never even made, for things to be taken out of context and then turned on its ear, for comments made over and over to read the bible as if I don’t….

If I am being attacked, and it makes me hate this whole religion thing even more, it just makes me wonder even more about how Christians are MAKING the world HATE Christ for something He isn’t. THIS IS MY POINT, AND HAS BEEN FROM THE BEGINNING.

Having these comments all over my blog made me so sad and angry, even hateful, so much that I even considered pulling this blog and leaving my church, disappearing from all things Christian, and just giving up on all of it. My attitude became screw it all, I’m done. I’m sure the authors of those comments believed they were doing a service by “righting my wrongs”, that they were giving me hope with their outstretched fingers and personal interpretations of scripture. I’m sure they didn’t realize that I am more than a “soul to save”, that I am a human being with human feelings and human questions, much like believers and non-believers alike. I felt more alone than ever for my constant pursuit of a life under God, and I felt like a failure because it was being pointed out that I was so. I no longer viewed this blog as my safe place to write my soul into.

But I thought about it, and I decided that I cannot give up. I believe in my faith. I believe in what God keeps placing before me, that He IS placing it in me, for the passion and fire He has stirred up inside me to keep seeking out His truth and not man’s truth. He knows my heart. I am in a constant state of seeking His kingdom in everything, even if it means exploring things that scare other Christians.

I once heard one Christian friend say something not so Christian Politically Correct (CPC), and implore me not to say anything lest someone think she’s not Christian. Christians are scared to think outside the box, not for fear of what God will think (for I truly believe that God encourages us to question Him, so that we might achieve greater understanding), but for fear of what their Christian friends will think, as if THEY decide what eternity means for others.

As if being Christian means knowing God so well that we can damn for Him.

I refuse to be afraid like that, to even believe that. I am Christian regardless of how I am attaining my wisdom, and regardless of what others think of me. I believe wisdom resides in all corners of the earth, in good and bad, in Christianity and in non-Christian religions. I will continue to explore other religious wisdom to further my way of life under Jesus Christ. And I will continue to write about it with all the passion that keeps exploding in me. This is what I live for, seeking God. And it makes me happy to write about it here.

I was advised to not comment any more on this subject, for it troubled me so immensely and any more words from me would only fuel more fire in a debate I want no part of, and never even expected in the first place. And by typing this here, I do know I am opening up the can of worms again. But these are the last comments I will make on this subject before I move on and continue on my blogging path. I do not have all the answers. I DON’T know it all, nor would I ever claim to. And when so many people seem TO know, it worries me. But I also feel sorry for those that DO know, for the words that come out of their mouths actually prove that they are even more clueless than I am. How can we know it all? How exactly can we stand with firm footing on anything? I don’t know, maybe I’m more clueless than I thought. All I know is I have been brutally harassed on my own blog for being honest about not knowing, and for thinking out loud about what might be because it’s not popular with common Christian beliefs. It’s not CPC, and apparently that is a sin in the eyes of MAN. I think several Christians are sure I’m headed straight for hell, and mostly it’s over not knowing for sure and admitting that, and for being restless in CPC beliefs that I cannot share. And sometimes I’m scared because I’m not sure they’re wrong, that somehow I must have faith that there is only one truth in this whole world, and by questioning it I am hell-bound. But I cannot be active in something that furthers me away from God, or that poisons the chance for those around me to know God…..
               ….to me, that would send me hurtling into the pits of hell much faster than questioning and seeking God’s wisdom ever could.

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5 thoughts on “Faith and the Blogger

  1. I praise you for having the courage to say openly and contemplate without shame that which so many feel in their hearts and are afraid to wear on their sleeves. I have some scripture I hope you find peace in~Luke 21:14-1614 Settle it therefore in your hearts, not to meditate before what ye shall answer: 15 For I will give you a mouth and wisdom, which all your adversaries shall not be able to gainsay nor resist. 16 And ye shall be betrayed both by parents, and brethren, and kinsfolks, and friends; and some of you shall they cause to be put to death.Colossians 3:15-1715 And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful. 16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. 17 And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him.You are on the right track, grounded by your faith in a loving God, don’t be shamed into guilt for questioning, for God’s wants you to be knowledgable about Him and your faith. Praising God today for sister’s in Christ like you.

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  2. I love your blog, Crissi, and I love your heart. I felt the same way when I read the comments on your posts and wanted to go to battle for you. The sad thing is that nothing we say makes much difference to these people because they believe they are ‘right’ and there is no humility in black and white. They miss out on the <>wonder<> and the mystery that is to be found in following Christ like a <>child in faith<>. The bible is full of stories of lives like yours.

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  3. Crissi,First…I am sorry to have missed so many well written blog entries. 1, 2 & 3 were certainly food for thought.If God had laid a blanket of acceptance over the life I once lived that I thought was okay (and you know, what, it wasn’t so bad…it was OKAY)…then it would not have been Good News. If God had let me stay where I was at…it would have been terrible news. I was a mess and didn’t even know it. I know some topics are sensitive…but can we as followers of Christ entrust ourselves to the Word God has left us? Can we trust God THAT MUCH?? Do you think maybe our God is too small when we argue that we can’t speak His Truth because we might offend someone? There is a gracious way of speaking truth and being humble and loving about it…too bad many Christians mess this part up royally!Crissi, I’m glad someone spoke truth to me. It got me out of the bog of crap I was living in for over 10 years. Granted, it took 2 years for that TRUTH to sink in but it changed my heart.Keep focused on the Cross…I went through some hard times processing stuff like this too…I still love sinners…so what…God still loves me and I’m a sinner too!

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  4. Crissi,I read those comments and thought that those comments were pious and not left in love–so very, very far away from what I’m sure they meant to do.I just live by the two most important commandment. I love god, my family and try to do the best I can, always and i do fail sometimes. I know he knows my heart, and loves me for all that I am, not for what I could be.Thank you so much for your prayers and love for my father and family. They worked, he’s out of the ICU as of last night. Thank you so much…you’re a wonderful person, mother and friend.Much love,Michele

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  5. I think a lot of people forget that all those rules and laws in the bible were said through a thick filter of LOVE, which is God. They can’t imagine a God who would command them in a truly loving, forgiving way. Sorry you had to feel the barbaric point of the Christianity of many~ they harbor a deep delight in judging, though they may say they don’t. It looks like we all see the print on the pages of the bible, and read it with our own attitude infusing it~ and most of us are far too short on real love to understand it sufficiently.

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