Excuse me while I change my mind again. And no, this is not set in stone, and yes, it will probably change again.
I am struggling with the whole custody thing. I am being pulled by members in my family and by my own counselor to keep fighting legally for full custody and less visitation for Ex. But I am A)tired of fighting, and B)ready for some peace.
This whole fight has caused a lot of turmoil inside of me, and it’s just not worth it anymore. I know that each time I have tried to be peaceful with Ex, it has caused a lot of anguish for me by his demeanor. But I’m willing to risk it again to just not have to go get a lawyer and start fighting dirty.
If Ex and I can come to terms with all of this and commence peaceful co-parenting, it will be happier for us and for the kids. And I won’t be so stressed out. Truth is, it is nice to have the kids gone a day or two a week so I can regain some sanity for when they come back. I never got a break before when I was married, and always longed for it. Now I get it.
And as for his ways with the kids, maybe he’ll learn more. He has learned quite a bit since the divorce, I’ll give him that. And while his ways aren’t exactly my ways, it is unfair for me to expect that.
This whole fight has cost me my peace and serenity, my happiness with self, a possible recent relationship with someone I cared about, my focus on the important things, and so much more. To let go means picking some of those lost things back up. I don’t really know where to go from here, but my goal is to find my peace again. I’m really tired of this consuming me, and I feel like it’s holding me back from being a whole person. I’m going to have to swallow a lot of pride on this, I will be mocked for this, and I will also be disappointing a lot of people in this. But I will be regaining myself, and wouldn’t it be great to do this parenting thing as a team eventually, instead of as enemies? The biggest thing, I know my kids will be happy.
This is my decision for today….. 🙂