To my dear Uncle Enore

Uncle Enore said…
Crissi, Crissi, Crissi…First, let me say that I am now and have always been an atheist. From a catholic family, I was placed in a catholic boarding school early on…and never believe any of the religious stuff…never…so you and I don’t come from the same place. (Although, I spent several years living in Santa Rosa…out on Barham, then on Mendocino Avenue…ah, the good ole days…)Having said that, you need to explain abstainance a little better for ME. I don’t get it. I don’t see what is to be gained by abstaining from sex at all…except denying yourself enjoyment. To me sex has always been, and continues to be, an extremely powerful motivator, a way to connect, a path to enjoyment and relaxation, very exciting and satisfying, and often, though not always, an end in itself. I realize that trying to explain a spiritual and/or religious descision to an atheist who comes at life with a totally different perspective may be difficult. Give it a try.
3:53 AM

Uncle Enore, I am flattered that you came to my blog and were interested enough to read through several entries and comment. Truly, I am! And I am not one to leave a challenge alone, so here I am, responding to you. But first, I must point out, if you are reading my blog and commenting at 4 AM, well you aren’t getting any either. Touch’e….

Seriously, though, this does deserve a response, and I will do so in blog entry form, because I need it as much as you do. The explanation, that is…. I am not going to sit here and try and convert you from being an athiest, though I do question how you live each day without a direction or a purpose to all of this, and what happens to you when you die. And I wonder how you explain how we all got here in the first place. I assume you believe in the big bang theory. How fascinating that it all took place with nothing creating it.

Ok, I’ll stop being a smartazz. I’ll start my explanation the non-religious way, and explain things from my view of things, as a woman. Imagine a girl, if you will. She is different from boys, obviously. But not just on the outside. There is this little defect inside of her that causes her to become attached really easily. This defect does have its good purposes, like in mothering. Even when that little baby is yelling its head off all night long, and that mother is worn out to the point of looniness, she still loves that baby. But that defect can also cause that girl harm. It can cause her to become attached to a man even when he isn’t necessarily attached to her. When two people perform the most intimate of physical acts, that girl’s heart becomes involved. Unfortunately, when this act is performed in the most casualist of manners, the man is immune to this defect, and has the ability to move on. The girl, on the other hand, has the tendency to stop living life as she knew it, and spend the rest of the week waiting by the phone. During this time, she will make up excuse after excuse for this man, all the while with stars in her eyes. When it finally becomes apparent he isn’t going to call, that’s when the defect breaks this poor girl’s heart.

This is just one scenario, though a common one. The thing is, sex is a form of making love. It is the closest you can get to another human being. It is so intimate, that it doesn’t even make sense to be shared with a stranger, or with someone whom you just don’t care enough for to risk everything for. When you choose to perform this loving act so casually, you are making a mockery of it. If you’ve already given this gift to so many others undeserving of it, what will you give to that special person who deserves so much more?

Ok, onto the religious aspect of it. I do not believe I will go to hell for having sex outside of marriage. With the experiences I’ve had, my own personal decision is to never have casual sex again. But I really do feel the Lord pressing into me, telling me to take it one step further. And as a child of God, I want to obey. I’m not saying this is the easiest decision I’ve ever made. Even right now, without the temptation, I am personally regretting it. I know there will be a time when this decision will feel like a curse to me, but it is really a blessing. As I said in the earlier post, this decision will help me weed out those not worthy of being a part of my life. If someone cannot respect my decision, this will show the kind of mate they will be for me. I’ve had enough of bad relationships, I’m now ready for my forever kind of love. Well, maybe after a bit more healing!

And not only that, I really did feel like it was creating a wall between me and God. I’m still healing from a broken marriage, and instead of reaching out to God, I was using sex as an artificial healer. I am hoping that this decision will stop all the barricades I have put up, so that there is nothing in my way of being a disciple of God. I feel like this is my last big thing that stood in my way.

I can only touch on the reasoning, as I am still sorting it all out for myself, but so far, this is reason enough. Does this answer anything for you? I do hope you’ll come visit here again and again. I really am flattered that though we have completely different views on life, you were still interested enough in mine to stick around for a couple of posts. Oh, and sorry to hear you left the area. I love it here!


2 thoughts on “To my dear Uncle Enore

  1. Hey, Crissi…thanks for having truck with the dark side. I appreciate you taking the time to comment so thoroughly. Unfortunately for ME, my work schedule is varied and stupid so I find myself getting up in the middle of the night to go to work…don’t have the time to give a response worthy of YOURS. However, assuming I am not killed in a horrible chemical accident today, I will take the time to comment this evening.


  2. Well, unfortunately I had to work an 18 hour day yesterday so didn’t have the strength or mental cohesion to comment last night.

    Ok, Crissi, I think I understand what you are thinking and your rationale. I can barely run my own life; far be it from me to try and tell anyone else how to get along. I guess I misunderstood your original post. What I THOUGHT you were getting at was a “global” sexual “fast,” not a personal one. On a personal level I can understand why you might think the way you do. As I sit here thinking about it, I can see where it might be the way to go for you. Again, that ain’t for me to judge.

    In my own universe my love/sex life has always been hectic, sometimes complicated, usually crowded…and not often given much forethought, as you seem to be doing. That hasn’t always worked out too well, though it has often been exciting. Of course, keep in mind that I am nearing geezerhood…and grew up as a 60’s hippy. Apparently attitudes and comportment were much different then…or if not the actions, certainly the attitudes.

    What I THOUGHT you were referring to was the seemingly Christian admonition of “no sex before marriage” and that, rather than your PERSONAL choices, is what I was really commenting on. Be happy to exchange ideas in THAT arena, if you wanna.

    Some day I am going to win the lottery and no longer have to be “…a slave to the military-industrial complex, being used to keep a foot on freedom’s neck…” Ahem…until then, I need to get my old and rather hirsuit butt to work. Look forward to this again.

    OH…and thanks again for “dancing with the devil.” Seems to renew my intellectual spirits knowing that there ARE Christians who, while disagreeing, CAN engage in a civil, non-condeming conversation…and not try to shove tracts in my hand.


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